Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. - Annie Lennox

Have you ever had one of those inner battles? You know, the battles where what you should do and what you want to do are pulling at your heart strings. It's like there's an angel on one shoulder telling you what is the right thing to do, and there's a devil on the other shoulder telling you to do just the opposite...yes, just like in the movies.

Well, I've been fighting one of those battles since Friday night. I ended up in the emergency room because I've been showing symptoms of C. diff, and I've had this odd reoccurring "rash" for over a year now. It was about time, that I had the time, to get it cultured before it went away again. I was started on Vancomycin for the C. diff and was told to refill my Cipro prescription for the "rash" by my GI out of Chicago. The ER doctor, on the other hand, thought Cipro wasn't worth it because the "rash" was just yeast. I understand the ER doctor has a medical degree, but I know my body. The "rash" wasn't yeast in my opinion, my friend's opinion, or the ER nurse's opinion. I took control of the situation and demanded that the area be cultured.

This is what the "rash" looked like three weeks ago before it went away. Yes, there is some yeast present. The satellite lesions mean yeast, but everywhere that is red, inflamed, raw, and appears to be weeping - that is MRSA. I've been dealing with this infection for over a year, since the beginning of last summer, and my WOCN and I just assumed it was a mixture of heat, humidity, moisture, and my allergy to adhesives. Sadly, we were both wrong.



MRSA and a yeast infection



It blisters, the blisters burst, and they weep a yellow-to-brown fluid. After the blisters burst, the skin underneath is very inflamed, red, and feels like it is on fire.

My barrier won't stick because the skin is too "wet" to adhere to, and I have to cut my barrier to keep the skin exposed so that the area can dry out. It's a major process of cleaning and reapplying my appliance every 24 hours. As you can now see...the frustration and depression and anger that comes along with it. (Hence, my last blog.)

Well, I'm in my Phlebotomy clinical right now. I'm, actually, on my last four days. Not very surprising that something like this would happen now. All of us know that IBD and anything IBD related strikes when we're at our prime. It's pretty much Murphy's Law; for us, anyway.

Working in a hospital setting has been my dream for quite awhile now, and I'm, finally, able to feel my dream in the palms of my hands because of my surgery. You can probably guess how heartbroken I was Sunday when I was told my culture was MRSA positive, and yesterday, when I was told it's definitely MRSA because it's sensitive to Bacitrim, an antibiotic that MRSA responds to.

I had already been debating whether or not to finish out my last four days of clinical C. diff positive. Now that I think about it and sit here writing that I even thought about it, makes me seem so selfish. C. diff is dangerous and can be deadly. If I were to go into clinical, quiet about my diagnosis and treatment, I'd feel so guilty for possibly exposing patients to C. diff. Then, the news arrived about my infection being MRSA. I still wanted to finish my clinical this week. I felt as if I would be letting myself, my family, my teacher, and my supervisor down if I didn't finish.

I ended up back in the ER Sunday night because I was running a fever, vomiting, diarrhea, and all the great things (cue sarcasm) that come with C. diff and MRSA. I was treated with fluids for dehydration and IV Vancomycin for the MRSA and C. diff. Even as I left the hospital, I was still convinced that I'd be finishing my clinical this week.

I woke up yesterday morning still vomiting; so I called off. Then, I found out that I'm being referred to an infectious disease doctor because I've tested positive for MRSA 4 times in 2 years, and that I've had C. diff more times than I can remember at this point. Plus, if you don't have a colon, you're not suppose to be prone to C. diff. Like I said, Murphy's Law. I was still convinced that I'd be in clinical today. Then, I really got to thinking of it when I woke up vomiting again.

I remember being admitted one time, and the nurse was ready to start my IV. Now, going to school for nursing, has kind of put me ahead of the game, and that's not including how many times I've been in the hospital. At this point, I know how things are suppose to be done and how they aren't. This nurse decided that he didn't want to wear gloves while starting my IV. He was aware of my Crohn's history and the drugs I was taking, Cimzia and Methotrexate, both of which compromise your immune system. My friend, Sam, and I freaked out because I could have caught anything that man could have been carrying. If he didn't use gloves with me, then was he using gloves with his other patients or even washing his hands? I was disgusted. It really put things into perspective remembering that moment, and I realized that I had to be honest. It'd be very unethical and selfish of me to continue my clinical without notifying my supervisor and teacher of my conditions at the moment.

I guess, I've been so excited that my dreams are finally falling into place, and I just got carried away and put myself, for once, before others. However, those others are patients, and having been in their position, I know that I would want someone healthy taking care of me. I told my teacher and supervisor this morning of my exact diagnosis. I was expecting to really disappoint them because my supervisor has enough on her plate with the new electronic medical filing system going in that she didn't even want to take in students to begin with. Then, she gets stuck with me...

My teacher went out of her way to get these 13 days for two of us, and I'm the student that chose this spot...

You see, it's very easy to disappoint ourselves because we're used to it, but I think that we don't give ourselves or those around us enough credit sometimes. I just assumed that I'd either disappoint or anger my teacher and supervisor because it puts more work on their plates dealing with me making up four days of clinical, but my supervisor's exact words were, "Your health comes first. We want you here when you're feeling better. I'll allow you to make up your days because I trust you. I already know you know what you're doing." I couldn't have been happier to hear those words. She was more concerned about me getting better than making up my clinical, and she gave me a 2 week time-frame to do it in. I'm blessed.

We're all so used to hearing negative things about how we live with IBD because people don't understand it; that I think some of us, like me, just assume that everyone is going to react the same way. Luckily, that isn't the case. There are people in this world who can empathize with us, and those are the people that, unfortunately, can be few and far between.

I've learned that I need to start giving people a chance and not assuming that they'll all think that I'm faking it or using my disease to get out of working. If either of those were the case, I'd be a pretty worthless person.

Sometimes, in the midst of chaos, we can learn some of life's most valuable lessons. Not everyone is cruel, and kindness is out there; probably a lot more kindness than some of us are used to.

Forget those that hurt you. Remember those that take the time to get to know the real you and treat you kindly.

Be comfortable. Be sexy. Be you.