The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

I thought, in honor of World IBD Day on Saturday, May 19th, and National IBD Day today, May 23rd, that it would be fun to post some of my most embarrassing stories living with IBD and an ileostomy.

Today is about celebrating our difference as IBD, ostomy, JPouch, KPouch, resection patients. Today is about loving who we are either DESPITE our diseases and surgeries or BECAUSE of our diseases and surgeries. It's completely up to you.

I'm one who loves myself because of my disease and ileostomy. I can't help but be proud of who I've become through fighting Crohn's because it's made me a stronger, more resilient person. My compassion for others has grown because of my disease. I can relate to those who are fighting different diseases because I know what it's like to go through medications like candy and live in the hospital. Two things I'm not exactly proud of, but they've taught me to appreciate life. Life can, so easily, be taken for granted. However, through Crohn's, I've found every reason to enjoy every, single moment in my life.

Now, back to my embarrassing stories, and I'm, honestly, hoping you get a kick out of these because I laugh about them now. At first, not so much...

I'll start with a very awkward moment after my first surgery, in October of 2010:

I had, unfortunately, caught a nasty flu that was going around when I came home in late November. My bag was filling completely every 20-30 minutes. I was still on pain medicine, and I couldn't stay awake to keep myself hydrated or empty my bag often enough, two ingredients in the recipe for accident/leak disaster. Anyway, earlier in the night, I had gotten up, with my fiance's help, to go to the bathroom. I was so severely dehydrated that I couldn't empty my own bag and passed out sitting on the toilet. Matt was concerned, wanting to take me to the hospital or dial 911. I convinced him that I would be fine as long as I could rehydrate myself and stay awake, ingredient three. I failed to do either. Around 5:00 am, I woke up to find my bag filled to the brim with diarrhea. Not wanting to wake Matt, I decided that I'd get up on my own, empty my bag, and return to the couch without waking him, bad idea. I stood up and passed out. The force of my body hitting the livingroom floor caused my bag to disconnect from the two-piece system. You guessed it, I covered the couch, livingroom floor, my dog's toys and treats, and the blankets in stool. Matt, luckily, was saved from any flying matter. I cried my eyes out, suddenly aware and embarassed of the situation. Matt was kind, cleaned up the mess and got me settled. Being stubborn, it was 3 more days before I went to the hospital. I was very sick, severely dehydrated, and lucky that I didn't cause more permanent damage to my body.

A leak I had the other night that went under the radar for a few hours

I think that we can all agree that we hate leaks when it comes to our appliance. They can be embarrassing if they happen in public, annoying if not caught in time, and aggravating because it seems like such a waste of supplies. Well, here's one leak that I'll never forget:

Jackson-Pratt Drain

After surgery, I developed a hematoma along my stitches where the surgeon had removed large skin tags and sewed my anus shut. The hematoma became infected and began to leak into my pelvic cavity. I had to have a Jackson-Pratt drain placed to drain my pelvic cavity of the accumulating infectious fluid. It's placed in radiology and requires sedation because a tube is placed through the muscle into the area that needs to be drained. Then, a negative suction allows the fluid to flow through the tube into the drain that the patient empties regularly. Sounds a lot worse than it is, trust me. Anyway, about a week before Christmas, my JP drain malfunctioned. The negative suction had been compromised due to a leak in the line. I was in some of the worst pain I've ever been in because infectious fluid was building in my pelvic cavity. I went in to see my IBD nurse, who immediately sent me down to radiology for a replacement JP drain. My fiance's dad, Scott, who had taken me was in for a surprise because we had not expected the problem to be taken care of so quickly. My JP drain was replaced, and I went home still in an excrutiatingly large amount of pain. It was hard to walk, let alone sit; so I made myself comfortable at Matt's parent's home on their couch. That night, I took some Tylenol 3 and fell asleep. To my surprise, I awoke the next morning covered in stool. I had slept through the night, neglecting to get up and empty my bag. My bag had leaked, covering myself, the couch, and the blankets I had in stool. I woke up Matt's mom to tell her, my exact words, "I pooped on the couch." Again, I was crying. Just like Matt, Judy got up and cleaned the couch, even helping me to get myself together. Sadly, I ended up with MRSA from having the JP drain replaced and ended up in the hospital right before Christmas.

Matthew and I in Kentucky at the Falls

Last but, certainly, not least, I'll share a story about having an accident before I had surgery. I know it's quite common for IBD patients to have accidents, but until this accident, I had been very discreet about accidents. I'd carry extra clothing and underwear to make sure people wouldn't know that I'd crapped myself if it did happen. However, I will say that I'm glad this accident happened in mixed company because guys tend to "shart" quite often:

My fiance had agreed to watch a friend's house for the week while they were out of town. My brother was in town from Kentucky, and Matt and I thought it'd be a good idea for the 3 of us to just chill and catch up. After work, I picked up my brother and headed about an hour south of town to this house in the country. For dinner, we decided to go into town; which was about 30 or more minutes away. After dinner, we stopped at Walgreen's to get socks and PJs; I hadn't brought anything to the house because I had to go home in the morning to meet my visiting nurse for my Cimzia injection. I was, also, on Methotrexate at the time. Matt and Bryon bought a case of beet at the local liquor store, and we started to drive to Matt's friend's house. About 15 minutes into the ride, sitting in the middle of the truck, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom, NOW. I told Matthew that he better speed it up, or I was going to crap my pants. My brother, Bryon, and Matt sure got a kick out of me complaining that I wasn't going to be able to hold in my poop. At one point, I even suggested that Matt pull over; so I could just poop on the side of the road. To no avail...I didn't make it home, and I pooped my pants. I was so mad at Matthew because he didn't understand that when I had to go, I had to go. I've realized, now, that it wasn't his fault. If a cop had drove by and seen me pooping on the side of the road, I would've went to jail for indecent exposure; I'd rather poop my pants. Bryon, Matthew, and I just laugh about it now.



Bryon and I



As you can see, I've had my fair share of embarrassing stories. I've only shared three, but they're three that I'll never forget. Three stories that I, now, share with people because I find them extremely funny. I believe that one of the ways to come to terms with your disease, your ostomy, or your surgery is to find humor in the moments that, sometimes, bring us down. Humor brings happiness into life. If your friends and family see that you can laugh at yourself, your disease, your ostomy, and your surgery, they'll feel more comfortable discussing these things with you. Humor brings about awareness. It's unnecessary that our condition and the treatments associated with it have such a negative stigma because "everybody poops."

If you're comfortable, I'd love to hear some of your "poop stories." Feel free to share them in the comments section below. As IBD patients, we all have them. Be proud of who you are and where you've come from fighting IBD.

Be comfortable. Be sexy. Be you.

PS: Here's a great video from Gut Inspired's celebration of World IBD Day.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

I'd like to introduce you all to Donna Mear, an advocate for IBD and ostomies. She is a brave woman who has fought and beat Ulcerative colitis. She's on a mission to prove to the world that ostomates are still beautiful people, males and females, and she will be showing the world in 29 days that ostomates can do ANYTHING they put their minds to, including zip wiring off the Tyne Bridge. Yes, this woman has plenty of GUTS, and here is her story:

I'm 32 years old, married to Paul, and have 2 beautiful children, Kieran (9 years old) and Evangelina (4 years old). I was diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis in 2007 whilst 7 months pregnant with my daughter, Evangelina. Although, since childhood, I was diagnosed with IBS and hospitalized a few times due to it. My GP put my problems down to pregnancy! I lost 5 pints of blood from my behind; I was in a bad way and hospitalized. Surgery was mentioned, then, but I fought against it. Breastfeeding quickly brought my disease into remission, but I was never "normal." When I stopped feeding her in Easter of 2010, I quickly fell ill again. I worked my way through a lot of standard drugs for UC whilst on steroids. The steroids were tapered to see if they had made an impact, none did, and my dose was increased again! Thirteen months later, after being worn down, I, eventually, gave into surgery. I had my colon removed, and my ileostomy, Squirt, was formed on 5th of May 2011 at Rake Lane Hospital by the wonderful Mr. Box.

Since surgery, Squirt has given me my life back, and I have had many adventures!

If you'd like to contact Donna, you can do so through her website, http://www.thegeordieostomates.webeden.co.uk/, or her blog, http://squirtsblog.wordpress.com/. She is also available on Facebook, www.facebook.com/meardonna, and has a YouTube channel under the name, meardonna.

If you'd like to sponsor Donna as she prepares to zip wire off the Tyne Bridge, you can do so at www.sponsor-me.org/meardonna. Proceeds go to National Association for Colitis and Crohn's Disease, British Lung Foundation London, Ostomy Lifestyle, and Stomawise. Every little bit helps!

Donna has supplied me with some pictures; so I can introduce you to some new fashion tips on disguising your ostomy appliance in public.

Left

Left: Donna is wearing a flowing dress with a beautiful disguising pattern, black nylons (tights), and bold accessories. In a flowing dress, your ostomy is easily disguised because there is no fabric laying directly against your appliance; which usually causes your appliance to be a little bit visible. The bold pattern keeps your eyes moving over the entire dress instead of concentrating on one area. The black nylons (tights) are a great accessory to wear that can provide support for your appliance while wearing a dress. Her jacket and accessories, also, give your eyes direction away from her abdomen, forcing you to concentrate on the beauty of the outfit rather than searching for her ostomy. Right: Donna is wearing another flowing item, but this time, she adds a small belt to accentuate her waist line. Yes, it can be a bit risky if you're to wear a tighter garment, but she adds this accentuating touch very nicely by tying the belt loosely. Again, Donna is wearing bold accessories to draw your attention elsewhere. She is also wearing the perfect jacket; it lays right where her waist is, causing a narrowing effect of her waist, drawing your attention to the belt accessory.



Right



I want to thank Donna for showing us that with a few bold accessories, disguising prints, and flattering jackets, any of us can step outside the house proud of what we look like because our ostomy is invisible to the public.

Be comfortable. Be Sexy. Be you.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:29-31

I had a great weekend considering all things. My fiance's cousin got married this weekend; so we spent Saturday afternoon and evening at a wedding and reception. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't indulge and enjoy myself this weekend; so I'll be honest...I had a dang good time!

Pre, my (soon-to-be) nephew, and I at the wedding

I've found out that, sometimes, the best policy is to "fake it til you make it." I woke up Saturday morning in a lot of pain. My abdominal muscles were throbbing. I wasn't exactly sure if I'd eaten something I shouldn't have or had over exerted myself, something I tend to do quite often. It took me quite awhile to get going, but once I did, I knew that I couldn't stop, giving up and staying home was not an option for me. Trust me, it gets old being the 24-year-old who doesn't get to go to family functions because I'm sick, or I have to leave early because something I ate isn't agreeing with me. I took a long, hot shower, taking time to let the water and steam relax my aching muscles. When I got out, I applied my Shaklee All Purpose Mentholated Lotion to my abdominal muscles and prayed the pain would subside. Slowly and surely, it did...

Getting ready for the wedding was exciting for me because, even though I'd had a rough start, I felt okay to go. I did my hair, make-up, and slipped into my LBD (little black dress). I enjoyed my dinner and danced the night away, even sipping on wine. Who says IBD always has to win...I don't.

Change of subject...

My Crohn's hasn't exactly been my friend lately. Ha! Is it ever? Anyway, due to the lesions appearing on my stoma and the color change a few weeks ago, resulting in my "short" trip to the emergency room, I saw my WOCN today in Chicago. Stoma and ileostomy wise, I'm doing pretty well. My stoma is back to its normal color. My nurse could tell that I had had some ulcerations/lesions, whatever you want to call them, on my stoma due to its texture. My skin isn't the best right now, with small, red satellite lesions that are seen commonly in yeast infections. They're definitely not your friend...

My suggestion for preventing yeast infections:

1. Make sure to keep your skin clean and dry, especially when you're changing your appliance.

2. If you shower with your appliance on (bag or barrier), use a blow dryer on low or cool to dry your appliance before putting your clothes on. If you put your clothes on while the appliance is still wet, the moisture and sweat from your body can cause yeast AND/OR bacteria to grow.

3. If necessary (get this approved by your WOCN first), use an antibacterial soap to clean the skin around your stoma and use an antifungal powder with a sting free barrier spray or wipe before applying your appliance.

Long story, short, I'm having issue with swelling. Yesterday it was my legs, ankles, and feet. Today it's my arms, hands, and knees. My GI is concerned that I may be having some circulation issues that result from multiple abdominal/pelvic area surgeries. Understandable, I have a pouch of fluid where my rectum was that hasn't absorbed, and it's going on 2 years since I had my rectum removed. I have an MRI scheduled to look at my pelvic cavity and lower extremities. It's on May 31st, but I'm hoping to get it moved up so that I won't be going through all this health stuff when my class starts June 4th. There's a good possibility that I'll have to have the liquid drained. No fun...

Anyway, as you can see, it's been quite rough lately. I've been emotional and moody; which typically happens when I'm in a flare or my health isn't where I want it. However, I can't let go or give up and neither can you. We're all fighting diseases that don't have a cure. If we give up, we're giving up searching for a cure and helping those who will be diagnosed after us. I've donated all my resected intestines to research; so I can comfortably be okay with my decision to have surgery because there's a possibility that researchers can find a cure or new treatment or gene using my diseased intestine.

Life isn't easy, and we were never promised it would be, but living with IBD allows me, and hopefully you, to appreciate life so much more. We all know that we're not promised tomorrow, and with IBD, remission isn't garaunteed. We need to throw ourselves into living, living for the moment, living for ourselves and those who will follow in our footsteps.

Don't ever give up because your fight, just like mine, is worth it.

You will fall. You will stumble. You will cry. You will scream. You will doubt your strength...but you are not weak.

IBD has given us the strength to fight, the strength to carry on, the strength to push through our struggles, the strength to see life through different eyes, and the strength to encourage others...even those without IBD.

We are a headstrong, resilient group of people that will BEAT IBD someday. Don't be scared to falter because it shows you're human, but don't ever let IBD win...

Be comfortable. Be sexy. Be you.

PS:

Gut Inspired, World IBD Day

Saturday, May 19th, is World Inflammatory Bowel Disease Day! Don't be afraid to sport your purple and celebrate your fight against IBD. If you're interested, there's a Facebook group celebrating today, Gut Inspired, https://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100002460941524, and they've posted the event, https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/442128402470733/.

Have fun this Saturday as you show IBD who's boss!

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. - Unknown

Sometimes, the most difficult situations bring about the best things in life. At the time we're going through a rough patch, we may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel or the beauty in such hurt. As individuals who are fighting such embarrassing diseases that carry a stigma because they involve our digestive system and POOP; yes, I said, "POOP," we tend to seek help and advice from others that have gone through or are going through what we are experiencing everyday.

I'd like to share the story of a man who saw my blog and asked me to share his story of fighting colon cancer and bringing awareness to a community where ostomy education and awareness were all but existent because the medical community didn't see a need for education or awareness. I hope that each and every one of you can read this man's story and continue to advocate for IBD and ostomies, or maybe his story will pull on your heart's strings and give you the desire to become an advocate.

Almost 13 years ago, I went to see a surgeon about removing what my family doctor and I thought were hemorrhoids. After bending over, and having what looked like a small telescope shoved up my rear-end, the doctor exclaimed, "I'm afraid it's a little worse than hemorrhoids. I'll have to take a cutting." As soon as I heard the word "cutting," I thought "CANCER," but wait, I thought, "It can't be; I've had a barium enema and sigmoidoscopy, both proved negative." 

Three days later, I was called by the surgeon telling me I had colon cancer. He had made arrangements at the local hospital...I had to have surgery, immediately! Thank God, I'm still here, but why didn't the cancer show up in the barium enema or sigmoidoscopy? 

The cancer was holed up in a muscle at the end of the anus. When the tube was inserted, it passed the diseased area before it could be detected. (So much for modern medicine.) 

Lawrence Pilarski

After my colostomy surgery, I tried to find support in my community. Unfortunately, there was none! I looked in neighboring towns to no avail...I even contacted Hudson County (the county I live in) for a list of ostomy services. There were none! 

The hospital had done away with "ostomy nurses." The nurses in the hospital were poorly trained in ostomy care; in fact, their training was much the same as mine after surgery...watching a short film on how to care for your colostomy, which was nothing more than showing you how to change your "pouch." 

At one of my three-month sessions with my surgeon, I mentioned the fact that there were no support groups in the area. He, jokingly, said, "Why don't you start one?" I started to think about this and what could be done to help others in similar situations.

Searching the Web, I submerged myself in everything I could about ostomies. I learned so much, I, eventually, wrote a tip sheet for fellow ostomates, calling it "The Ostomates Owners Manual." (Techniques You Should Know When Addressing Your Stoma). I had several doctors and nurses read it over and correct any mistakes I may have made. 

Over the next several months, I continued to learn. Yet, in the back of my mind, I thought..."how a support group would benefit people who were going to have, or who just had, such surgery." 

I eventually found a small place where senior citizens had exercise classes. It was affliated with the hsoptial I had my surgery in, Community Crossings. I contacted the head nurse and told her of my idea. She loved the idea but first had to check with the hospital administration to see if it was all right. Fortunately, it was, and the Bayonne Ostomy Alliance was born.

Now, we're using the web to help those who are in other states and could use information on their conditions.

If you'd like to contact Lawrence about his support group or for a free copy of his manual, you can do so at ostomyvisitor@aol.com and include "Please Send Ebook" in the subject line. You'll, also, receive the group's monthly newsletter. He's also available at Colostomy Confab on Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/groups/210070179086506/, or you can reach the Alliance by phone at (201) 339-5251. If you live in or around the Jersey City area, or plan on making a trip anytime soon, the newest support group meets the first Monday of every month from 4:00-6:00 pm at the Jersey City Medical Center, 355 Grand Street Jersey City, NJ 07302. The original group, Bayonne Ostomy Alliance, meets the second Wednesday of every month from 2:00-3:00 pm at 29th Street at Avenue E Bayonne, NJ 07002.

Thank you, Lawrence, for your story! What a determined soul you have for taking the time and effort to research, publish a manual, and start 2 support groups in and around your area. People like you are what make the ostomy, IBD, and cancer community so strong!

Once again...Be comfortable. Be sexy. Be you.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

I know, I know...It's been 2 weeks, but things haven't been quite normal around here, if you know what I'm saying. I ended up in the ER because my stoma was gray and covered in multiple, mini lesions. My CRP is pretty normal compared to prior labs; so the Humira has to be working somewhat, but there's still the possibility that Crohn's has developed on the outside of my stoma. Sadly, as my GI put it, "You're the epitome of Murphy's Law" and "You're my medical outlier." He's a great doctor, but I'm a challenging patient...to say the least.


Enough about me...


This week, we're going to spotlight Charis Kirk. She's the founder of http://fullfrontalostomy.com/, a site that is dedicated to bringing awareness to IBD and ostomies. She also has a Facebook support group titled My Doctor Knows Me Best From Behind: Ostomy and IBD Support, as well as a YouTube channel titled Full Frontal Ostomy, where she explains everything from ostomy supplies, accessories, dressing with an ostomy, and exercising with an ostomy. Charis is carrying out her dream of advocating, educating, and bringing awareness to those who have a colon; so I've asked her to write a short bio about herself:

Charis Kirk

My name is Charis, and one of the things I love most about my body is my ostomy. Before my ostomy, I was so sick all of the time that I felt like I was missing out on life. Everyday that I was stuck in the hospital or in the bed at home, I was so upset because I felt like time was standing still for me. It felt like all I did was watch everyone else have a good time living their lives while I just SAT.

One day I decided that I'd had enough, I was tired of watching my life slip away and feeling miserable all the time. I chose to take the forward path and go back to a temporary ileostomy. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Within two weeks of surgery, I was walking and jogging slowly in our local park. A week after that, I was back in the gym. Six weeks later, I had another surgery - this time to make my ostomy permanent.

While I've had my share of ostomy issues (and two more surgeries!), I do not regret making the decision I did. Because of my choice, I am excited to wake up everyday because I can't wait to see how each one unfolds. I am excited to pick out various outfits and see how they work with my ostomy. I am excited to be able to eat pretty much anything I want, within moderation...and my list goes on and on.

Life only gets better from here! 

Upper Left

Upper Right

Left

Right

Upper Left: This is the same outfit from the top of the page, the only difference is Charis is showing that with a form-fitting tank top or spaghetti strap top, your appliance will be held nicely against your abdomen, making your appliance invisible to the public. The stripped jacket is a distraction of sorts. People will be admiring the jacket's design, as well as it's odd cut - lower abdomen, rather than a lengthier jacket. The design helps to camouflage your appliance from the public too. Upper Right: This patterned, loose blouse is a wonderful accessory for any ostomate because of it's flowing design. The shirt is not form-fitting, allowing for you to disguise your ostomy while wearing it. As with the jacket, since this appears to be a somewhat sheer blouse, you can add a form-fitting tank top or spaghetti strap top to add security, holding the appliance against your abdomen. Left: Here's another stunning outfit! Charis does well disguising her appliance out in public with bold colors, a flowing top, and bold accessories. Any pop of color distracts from your abdomen. In this outfit, Charis uses a bright blue scarf/necklace, a yellow clutch, and red shoes. Instead of concentrating on her shirt, people will be noticing her eye-popping accessories. Right: Yes, that's right, Charis is wearing a wedding dress! We all have to congratulate her on her recent marriage to husband, Ron Kirk, this April. Charis said in her own blog that she chose a short dress because she knew she'd be more comfortable emptying her bag throughout the wedding and reception. I agree! A short dress is an amazing idea. As you can see, it's fitted around the bodice, but the dress flares out to allow for the invisibility of her appliance. Also, I have to mention, a short dress provides more security, meaning there's a less chance of possibly getting stool on your gown while using the restroom. However, I'm not going to say, "Don't buy a long dress" because I've picked out a long vintage gown for my upcoming wedding in the next year. It's completely up to you what you want to wear at your wedding, but a short dress has it pros - that worked fabulous for Charis on her special day. Congrats, Charis, you make a beautiful bride!


Thanks for checking in this week to see our spotlight ostomate! Please, feel free to comment, offer advice, and let me know if you've invited any of these tips into your wardrobe.


Be comfortable. Be sexy. Be you.

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it. -Confucious

Hey all! Welcome to "No Guts" and All the Glory, a blog dedicated to fashion, boosting self-esteem, making women feel sexy in their skin (again), and raising IBD (Ulcerative colitis, Colitis, Crohn's disease) and ostomy awareness. I can't wait for the journey to begin...

Let me introduce myself, I am Amber. I am going to school for Nursing, hoping to get my Master's and specialize in the IBD field. Currently, I will be able to sit for my Phlebotomy certification after July, and I'll, also, find out if I've been accepted into the the Nursing program at the local community college. I'm very impatient; so I'm praying these next few months fly by.

My IBD story:

In December of 2004, I had a knee surgery to remove arthritis and torn cartilage from the inside of my right knee cap. Silly, I know, I was only 16 and already having problems with arthritis. Little did I know, that would just be the beginning of an eight year fight for my life. After surgery, I started having bowel problems. I was going to the bathroom upwards of 30-40 times a day, and each bowel movement was excruciatingly painful and bloody.



High school graduation, 2006

 It took over eight months to get a definitive diagnosis because my PCP thought that I had just strained a muscle trying to poop after being on narcotics for 2 weeks. After seeing a specialist, I had a colonoscopy, only to discover that I have Crohn's disease. That was in August of 2005, about two weeks before my Senior year of high school.

I made it through Senior year, graduating in the top 5% of my class and with honors even though I missed a lot of school. My first hospitalization wasn't until after I had graduated and celebrated with an open house. I was admitted to the hospital due to liver and pancreatic failure. After a week, I was discharged because the doctor was able to get my body back to homeostasis with medications.



2 months after starting prednisone

 I had a pretty uneventful first year of college due to being sick very often, and my disease took a turn for the worst my Sophomore year, Fall of 2007, when I was almost 3 hours away from my home and specialist. Unfortunately, I've been in the hospital off and on since Thanksgiving of that year.

I've had near death experiences, addictions to pain medications, bowel obstructions, hallucinations due to drugs, and 3 surgeries (one of which was Crohn's related but not bowel related).

In October of 2010, I had no choice but to have a total proctocolonectomy with end ileostomy. My surgeon removed my rectum, colon, a foot of my terminal ileum, and my appendix. Unfortunately, surgery didn't go as planned, and I was on the table five hours longer than anticipated, developing hepatic deep vein thrombosis and an infected hematoma that later developed into MRSA.



8 weeks post-op, first surgery

 Determined to get my life back, I was back to school eight weeks post-op, and the stress of school landed me back in the hospital over Spring Break, the beginning of my second journey to the operating room. My Crohn's disease had returned and fistulized. After a complete bowel obstruction in July of 2011, my GI at the University of Chicago decided a second surgery was necessary. In November of 2011, the day after my birthday, I had my second surgery, a small bowel resection of 6 inches and a stoma revision.

In February of this year, an ileoscopy confirmed that my Crohn's has returned. I am currently on Humira for the second time to ease my Crohn's into remission. (I should probably mention that my body hasn't responded to any drugs that are available for Crohn's disease; so we're hoping giving Humira a second try will help.)

Through all of this, I've never given up hope, and I want to offer the same thing to you. I've decided to start this blog in the hopes of raising awareness for IBD and ostomies, along with restoring the self-esteem of women who are fighting UC and CD who have also had to resort to surgery for some relief.



6 months post-op, second surgery

 However, you don't have to have an ostomy to participate in this blog. If you have UC or CD or have had an ostomy, feel free to contribute. We all know what it's like to not feel pretty, not feel sexy, and not feel comfortable in our skin because of what UC or CD has done to our bodies.

We often wonder what to wear to conceal weight gain from steroids or how to conceal our appliance from the public. This is where you'll learn to feel beautiful with yourself, regardless of weight gain, medicinal side effects, or an ostomy.

Remember...

Beauty is only skin deep, it's what is inside that matters.

However...

It's also important to love yourself despite your battles; you're stronger because of them.

Welcome, ladies, let's begin the journey to self love and feeling sexy about ourselves again!